Thoughts on the #tradwife
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I don’t claim to know a lot about life but I know I want to be a good
wife.
That sort of rhymed, didn't it?
Being a good wife comes in many forms. I heard about the #tradwife (short for traditional wife) movement and wanted to explore it a bit. This movement is about revisiting the benefits of being a traditional wife, like in the 1950s. You can go and have a look at Alena Kate Pettitt (CEO of her own home), who really inspired me to write about this. I quite like the retro-style with the polka dots, long skirts, and buttons, but this is not a reflection of what she really stands for. You can have a look at her website, The Darling Academy. She also has an Instagram page you can follow @thedarlingacademy. There are some nifty household tips and she even makes entertaining jokes about how her husband “unchains her from the sink” when she has to go somewhere.
That sort of rhymed, didn't it?
Being a good wife comes in many forms. I heard about the #tradwife (short for traditional wife) movement and wanted to explore it a bit. This movement is about revisiting the benefits of being a traditional wife, like in the 1950s. You can go and have a look at Alena Kate Pettitt (CEO of her own home), who really inspired me to write about this. I quite like the retro-style with the polka dots, long skirts, and buttons, but this is not a reflection of what she really stands for. You can have a look at her website, The Darling Academy. She also has an Instagram page you can follow @thedarlingacademy. There are some nifty household tips and she even makes entertaining jokes about how her husband “unchains her from the sink” when she has to go somewhere.
This is not some extreme anti-feminist movement
One of the topics that created some debate on an interview I saw was an example of where a wife wants to buy a couch but has to ask her husband first. How chauvinistic, right? Wrong. Of course I’d first consult with my husband before I purchased an expensive couch! It is something that might affect our financial situation, and it is an item he will also be using for years to come. It's just common decency and mutual respect. However, I am not going to call him every time I have to buy shampoo for myself. I get upset when I see how people respond in these videos. In a world where it is promoted that anybody can be what they want to be, this seems to not be the case when it suits them.
Alena also mentions how grateful she is for feminism and the women that opened up choices for her. She explains it very well in saying that to her feminism is about having a choice, and she chose this lifestyle. You can choose to stay at home and take care of your children, or you can be a working mom. Usually, with these types of movements, you get some strange ideas going around. Having said that, as I am listening to the things she is saying, I think to myself: this isn’t abnormal or irrational. Why can’t women be what they want to be, and why is being a housewife considered going against feminism? When you delf a bit deeper you will see some taking this out of proportion. Sadly, there will always be some people that take something too far and ends up giving it a bad name. It's not about going back to the 1950s, but rather taking the bits that worked and being inspired by it.
Alena also mentions how grateful she is for feminism and the women that opened up choices for her. She explains it very well in saying that to her feminism is about having a choice, and she chose this lifestyle. You can choose to stay at home and take care of your children, or you can be a working mom. Usually, with these types of movements, you get some strange ideas going around. Having said that, as I am listening to the things she is saying, I think to myself: this isn’t abnormal or irrational. Why can’t women be what they want to be, and why is being a housewife considered going against feminism? When you delf a bit deeper you will see some taking this out of proportion. Sadly, there will always be some people that take something too far and ends up giving it a bad name. It's not about going back to the 1950s, but rather taking the bits that worked and being inspired by it.
A woman's place is not necessarily in the kitchen
I like to dress up and bake a cake, but I also like wearing oversized hoodies and ordering takeout sometimes. We are so inclined to put people in a box, they are either this or that. I am a little bit of both- lady, and well, let's not say tramp. I think we are so much more than meets the eye. Even if my cooking and baking sometimes just end up as big flops, I do enjoy it. One of the ways I like to show how
much I care is by making him something nice to eat and making sure our home is
clean and tidy. I've loved cooking and baking since I was a child. Some of my
earliest birthday presents included recipe books (that I still use today). But not everyone has the same interests.
Let’s face it: some women can’t cook. If you are one of them, there are still many other ways to contribute to your partnership, in any way that you can. Be in charge of arranging for help, or if your husband likes cooking, wash the dishes for him. Alternatively, if you want to ask your husband to help you with some tasks, why not? You are not in any way inferior because of it. He also needs to contribute in his way. He can also learn to do some of the things you can, and vice versa. I can’t frown on something because it is a “man’s job”. I have to pull my weight where I can and rest assured that he will be able to pick up where my talents don’t lie. Ask yourself what works for you. It's easier when you remind yourself that you are both part of your household and want to make it as inviting as possible.
There are a lot of women out there who are confused and empty because they don’t know who they are and what their role is. We will not get along unless we decide to see each other as equals with different talents. Some girls dream of becoming mechanics even though it is seen as a “man’s job”. Let her be! If she is good at it, why not? I do however ask of society to stop belittling the women who actually like being housewives or even just prefer a quieter life. Those who are tired of trying to maintain a hectic work-life balance. She is just as valuable as the top career lady. Sure, some people thrive in their workplaces and crazy lifestyle and I take my hat off to them. Don’t resent the working mom for not taking care of her children full-time. In some cases there are even some husbands who prefer to stay at home. Life happens and we have to deal with it in the best way we can. Maybe try to live and let live?
My own experience with this
When I was in high school, I remember the responses I got from some people when I decided to trade in Accounting for Hospitality Studies because it's just "baking cookies". Although it's so much more than that, I feel the need to say: so what, I freakin' love baking cookies. Luckily I got the support I needed at that time, but there are many others who feel terrible about themselves just because they like things traditionally associated with women. This does not make you wrong!
I got married in August 2019. I often pray that I will be a good wife to my husband- whatever form that may take. I don't have a lot of experience and I am no expert. I have learned some things along the way, and I continue learning and changing. Some of my past beliefs have even changed. I now view marriage in a different light and I try to humble myself in the process. As stubborn and headstrong as I am, I struggle with this sometimes. I do believe a big part of a relationship is about bringing the best out in each other (again, whatever form that may take). I also believe that neither one of us can be perfect, but we trust that we will continue to grow in wisdom so that we can reinforce each other.
I have seen households where the wife completely takes charge, and I have seen households where the husband oppresses the wife. Neither one of these households do well in my opinion. My husband treats me as an equal. We know that he has certain strong points and I have certain strong points. As my husband said when I spoke to him about this matter: “We are a team.” This means that we both have a part to play; the responsibility isn't just on one person. There are those days that I burn something or I didn’t take out the trash, but he doesn’t resent me for it. He gives me a hug and asks if he can help me. I am not the perfect wife, and I don't always portray the picture of a perfect lady- some days my hair is messy, I lounge on the couch, and I don't feel like cooking. Still, that is not the most important part for me. It’s about trying to be the best, loving wife I can be.
Let’s face it: some women can’t cook. If you are one of them, there are still many other ways to contribute to your partnership, in any way that you can. Be in charge of arranging for help, or if your husband likes cooking, wash the dishes for him. Alternatively, if you want to ask your husband to help you with some tasks, why not? You are not in any way inferior because of it. He also needs to contribute in his way. He can also learn to do some of the things you can, and vice versa. I can’t frown on something because it is a “man’s job”. I have to pull my weight where I can and rest assured that he will be able to pick up where my talents don’t lie. Ask yourself what works for you. It's easier when you remind yourself that you are both part of your household and want to make it as inviting as possible.
There are a lot of women out there who are confused and empty because they don’t know who they are and what their role is. We will not get along unless we decide to see each other as equals with different talents. Some girls dream of becoming mechanics even though it is seen as a “man’s job”. Let her be! If she is good at it, why not? I do however ask of society to stop belittling the women who actually like being housewives or even just prefer a quieter life. Those who are tired of trying to maintain a hectic work-life balance. She is just as valuable as the top career lady. Sure, some people thrive in their workplaces and crazy lifestyle and I take my hat off to them. Don’t resent the working mom for not taking care of her children full-time. In some cases there are even some husbands who prefer to stay at home. Life happens and we have to deal with it in the best way we can. Maybe try to live and let live?
My own experience with this
When I was in high school, I remember the responses I got from some people when I decided to trade in Accounting for Hospitality Studies because it's just "baking cookies". Although it's so much more than that, I feel the need to say: so what, I freakin' love baking cookies. Luckily I got the support I needed at that time, but there are many others who feel terrible about themselves just because they like things traditionally associated with women. This does not make you wrong!
I got married in August 2019. I often pray that I will be a good wife to my husband- whatever form that may take. I don't have a lot of experience and I am no expert. I have learned some things along the way, and I continue learning and changing. Some of my past beliefs have even changed. I now view marriage in a different light and I try to humble myself in the process. As stubborn and headstrong as I am, I struggle with this sometimes. I do believe a big part of a relationship is about bringing the best out in each other (again, whatever form that may take). I also believe that neither one of us can be perfect, but we trust that we will continue to grow in wisdom so that we can reinforce each other.
I have seen households where the wife completely takes charge, and I have seen households where the husband oppresses the wife. Neither one of these households do well in my opinion. My husband treats me as an equal. We know that he has certain strong points and I have certain strong points. As my husband said when I spoke to him about this matter: “We are a team.” This means that we both have a part to play; the responsibility isn't just on one person. There are those days that I burn something or I didn’t take out the trash, but he doesn’t resent me for it. He gives me a hug and asks if he can help me. I am not the perfect wife, and I don't always portray the picture of a perfect lady- some days my hair is messy, I lounge on the couch, and I don't feel like cooking. Still, that is not the most important part for me. It’s about trying to be the best, loving wife I can be.
It's only my second post and I've decided to write about something a little bit controversial. Ah, but I do enjoy a good ramble! I've grown very passionate about this matter and I will continue learning more about it. There’s a lot more to say and I've maybe only discovered the tip of the iceberg. Just like her, I
am not trying to tell you how to live your life, and I certainly do not have all the answers.
Please
comment on this post if you would like to share your take on this!
ZeldiSmul
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